Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
