Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
