That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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