I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
