Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm both gender and math confused
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
