part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
