Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize