I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
