Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize