There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
