god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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