So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
