Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
