fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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