i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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