Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
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