Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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