The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
