did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
