so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
