Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
