You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize