I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
