I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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