Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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