does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
