I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
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