Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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