meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
