You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
