I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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