I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
