The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Randomize
