if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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