she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
