At least make sure they are 18
Why
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
