I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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