I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
