Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
