I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
50% drunk capacity currently
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
