You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize