I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
