What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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