I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize