Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
