Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
