Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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