My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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