how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
