That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
