that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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