New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
