I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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