Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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