That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
