Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
