He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
