News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
