This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
