i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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