ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
