I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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