I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Pooping to opera.
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