Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
