he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
