My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
