chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
