Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize