About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
