I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
