then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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